Sunday, August 16, 2009

Friday, May 1, 2009

Road Trip

So, naturally I took my new girlfriend Oksana to see O.B.A.M., at the Delphi Swan Cineplex 22 in Hoboken, just off the 505, north of the Holland Tunnel, opposite Quizno's.  It was just the thing, after spending a day fishing for mackerel on Staten Island (how do you say in Russian: there are no mackerel in this river?).  The movie, I must say, was just so-so; nothing blew up and AndrÃ?ï¿?ï¿Â?Ã?ï¿?Ã?© Michel was a big disappointment as Beelzebub, Prince of Darkness, especially after enjoying his performance in the Estonian musical "All My Combines," which Oksana remember with some degree of horror after AndrÃ?ï¿?ï¿Â?Ã?ï¿?Ã?© Michel dropped his jorts in the Steam Bath scene.  Something about the tattoo, I guess.  The carmelcorn was good, though.  They really pull out all the stops for the H.I.F.F., swirly cheese on crackers and Andre's Pink Champagne, just like in Utica except the cheese was fresh and the sparkling wine was cold.  But the real news here is Oksana has become all obsessed with A.M. now and thinks he could be her Soul Mate and so forth and so, tomorrow, we're taking the Dodge I bought off Mr. Mankiewicz for five hundred dollars and a solemn promise not to talk about that thing that happened with him and Svetlana at Peter Lugar's (now that Chryler's gone all Chapter 11, Mr. M is probably laughing his ass off, or what's left of it anyway) -- so we're getting in the Dodge and driving cross-country to Hollywood, California to find the putative start of O.B.A.M. and I'm gonna play matchmaker again and get my newly ex-gf that happily-ever-after American ending she has always, since she was just a little girl in Klin, craved.  

At least I got some cavities filled.

We've got a styrofoam cooler for the fish, don't worry.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Whoa! Hot New Indie Feature!

(Starring AndrÃ?��Ã?�Ã?© Michel!  I love that guy!)


Subject: Justice For all Productions

Date: May 1, 2009 3:05:21 PM PDT


Occidental Births a Monster

Logline: At Occidental College in 1981, a loner does lines and smokes, secretly hoping to one day become someone important. His dream -- and much more -- comes true when Satan appears, promising the world. There is one caveat, though, as a deal with the Devil requires consideration. In this case, not just the delivery of the young man's soul, but millions more ...

With an agreement procured, Satan and his new protege plot, plan and scheme a long term agenda that ultimately ends with the United States presidency, transforming the Earth's greatest democracy into a communist fiefdom, ruled by a ruthless dictator. But how does a cokehead college loser make such an incredible leap? Here's the plan:

A transfer from the low-level Occidental to the Ivy League prestige of Columbia University, then law school at Harvard. These days, Lucifer assures, will culminate with a first as a Harvard Law Review editor, and the introduction to a satanic ally, Chicago preacher, The Righteous Reverend, who will serve as the budding leader's uncle and mentor, even performing the young man's marriage and the baptisms of his children. After law school graduation, the student becomes a man --  O.B.A.M.

O.B.A.M. will rise through the rank-and-file impoverished in the non-substantive role as a Chicago "community organizer." In that capacity, O.B.A.M. will learn to manipulate the masses with elegance, charisma and charm.

Through clever discussions, Satan teaches O.B.A.M. how to tackle and master America's most pressing issues: the economy, war, abortion, global warming, affirmative action, health care, and more. As part of the learning process, O.B.A.M. hits the streets, speaking, in practical terms, with those who will soon become his people. And all the teachings and hard work will payoff. O.B.A.M., no doubt, will trick with a Satan-created-mantra of "hope and change." As a powerful orator, he will ascend, via a meteoric trip, to not just the presidency of the United States, but as Satan's Antichrist leader of the world.

But now is there hope?

*O.B.A.M. is a satirical, but hard-hitting drama that exposes this soul-selling path of a troubled, but highly ambitious and intelligent man. Hope is in the faith and hands of the American people who want to live in the freedom of a democratic republic–and not under the iron fist of a communist dictator.

O.B.A.M. is written by Kenneth Del Vecchio (who is a genius, and also is the film's producer) and Andrew Gause (who is just a genius). The movie is directed by Rod Weber (genius), and stars Del Vecchio as O.B.A.M. and Andr������© Michel (Named to Greater Newark's Top 10 Sexiest Guys) as Satan. Kenneth Del Vecchio is a crtically acclaimed filmmaker whose movies star over 50 (over 50!) film and TV stars including several Academy Award and Emmy winners and nominees. He is also a bestselling author (novels & legal books, or combinations of both) and an attorney (in case you were thinking about stealing one of his ideas). Andrew Gause, considered one of the leading U.S. experts on money, has written multiple books on the hot topic, routinely serving as a radio and TV analyst!

Premieres May 30 at 8:00pmat HOBOKEN INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL ("HIFF").  For tickets and directions to Hoboken from Anywhere, visit the Tickets & Schedule page of   

Sunday, April 26, 2009

There's a Beer Factory here, too (what a surprise)

Hello my friend!!!

This letter arrived to you from Russian Internet dating agency " Land of Love ". This is not spam or other bad things. So, please, answer to me!!!

My name is Svetlana. I'm 31 years old from Klin, Russia. I have decided to change my life, and to find the man for me. The man for serious attitudes. I addressed to agency " Land of Love " and they sent my letter to you. I want to search man from USA or Canada for friendship or love. I'm not married and have no children.
This is my photo. I hope that you like it and will answer to me.

Please, answer only to my personal e-mail:
Best regards,
Yours Svetlana

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Conclusive Argument Against Intelligent Design

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Monday, March 2, 2009

Hey Lady, Nice Fish

Subject: I shall wait from you the letter
Date: March 1, 2009

Hello. My name is Oksana.

I understand that you don't know me, and I don't know you, but in the future all can change probably. I ask that you have given me some minutes on perusals of my letter. I hope that it will not make difficulty to you. Agency Acquaintances in Cheboksary gave me your e-mail address. To me explained that you very good person and you very much approach to me. I have come to Agency to find the future husband from other country. Why from another country? Because I have been very much disappointed with Men from my country and now I search my life in abroad. Yes certainly I have paid some money that has found the person for me. But what is it the money in comparison with love? Nothing. It is simply emptiness. Love is the most important feeling in a life, without which our lives grey and empty. I very much hope that you will be interested in me and we can continue our dialogue after that letters. And I very much hope that I shall leave in yours opinion good Impression about me.

I want to tell some words about me. As I already spoke my name is Oksana. I'm 28 years. I live in Cheboksary. You can look my external qualities in my photo which I have attached in the letter. I live with my mum together and I work as doctor. I have gone studies on this profession, in order to help people. I look like on my father because he gave your life to rescue the little girl, and he has rescued her only he lost. I shall tell you about it later.

I love my professional though In Russia it is not as well appreciated as in other foreign countries. I love an active way of life but time not suffices. In my life I dream to find the person with which I can to lead all life and I shall be happy. I dream about big and cheerful, friendly family. I don't search ideal man. The main thing that in him there were high qualities as skill to love, to respect, to appreciate relations, to love children and is skilful to love and make the happy partner. For me the age does not matter because the love has not limit. I very much hope that you will write to me and will tell about yourself. I am already lonely very long time. I had earlier shot relations but it was failed. I very much hope that you become my unique person in my life. So let's not lose time. If serious relations aren't interesting to you or I am not pleasant to you, say me it please. Is it well?

I very much ask that you have answered to me ONLY to my personal e-mail:

I shall wait from you the letter with the big impatience!

Bye bye!

Tired from loneliness Oksana.